27 Sep 2014 No Comments
As you can obviously see, I haven’t written in quite a while. I would like to say that it’s because I have nothing to really talk about, but the fact is that things have been frenzied, so much that I might actually have too much to speak on.
Building upon my last post, I had mouth surgery on July 16th, and it went quite well (although I was scared shitless for the first two days because the sockets just wouldn’t quit bleeding). It’s healed up nicely, however, and I don’t experience any difficulty in speaking or eating, which is great. I was extremely worried that things would change in that regard, but all is fine. I went to Maryland Oral Surgery Associates (MOSA) in Crofton, which was great; they did everything very professionally and with little fuss. I would have no hesitation in recommending them.
Due to the surgery and the recovery process, I did gain back a little weight, about ten pounds or so. But I’m in the process of taking it off again, as well as much (much!) more. (Pictures will follow later in the post.)
No changes at work, unfortunately. I’m trying like hell to get my 9, but the gubmint’s being stubborn as shit. I was even contemplating going back to the drug lab, if you can believe that, because the open position was a grade 8 and even that’s better than nothing, but a technical glitch put paid to that. I’m still in the process of fighting it, but to be honest, I don’t want to pursue it much longer, as there’s no point. I only need to get my Master’s to qualify for 9 positions anyway, and I’m so close to that I can taste it.
The statistics course went much better than anticipated; solid 95 in the class, and of this writing my GPA is 3.83. I just sent off for my graduation regalia (already??!!??), which includes a stole, medallion and cord for Alpha Phi Sigma. Lord. Who’d have thought? I’m taking victimology now, then only 3 courses left before it’s all over. But I really don’t know what I’m going to do after that. I have ideas kicking around in my head – a second Master’s, a second bachelor’s, I don’t know. I’ve abandoned the thought of a Ph.D. (for now) because I just owe too much money at this point and it’ll take a minimum of six years. I’m not sure that I want to devote that much time to it anymore. I’m not tired of school, but.. it’s been a long time. I may just need a break for a while.
My marriage is still doing well, although we’ve had a few problems as of late. I think it’s just the settlement period now, where we’re realizing that the “golden glow” is over and we’re realizing…. “oh, shit, we’re married now, we’re stuck with each other”, lol. I’ve been kind of snappy and crabbish recently – I hate it when I’m like this, because I really, truly love my husband so much and I don’t mean to be this way. Life is getting to me, I think, and dragging me down. I want more time with him and less time dealing with work and school and everything else. Sigh.
Don’t think that things are bad right now in that department – they’re not. Just different, that’s all. I think we’re still feeling our way around how to deal with each other on a long-term basis, but it’ll come. We’re still damned good for one another and we still get along fabulously, so. Things can be worked out. We still share a LOT of laughs together and have some pretty damned good times.
My brother finally came home from the Virgin Islands; he’s in a transitional period getting himself together. I don’t want to say much more about that right now, but I’m dealing with it as best as I can.
Wow, I thought I had more to say, but I guess I really don’t, not tonight anyway. I’m kind of tired – it’s Friday night, after all, and getting up at 4:30am every day for work takes its toll on you.
I almost let the domain name go – it expires on September 30th and I was contemplating not renewing it. But… well. It’s become a part of me, as bad as the term once was, and I guess that I have to own it.
So here’s the pictures I promised you. Gah, look at me – I’m down to a XL in shirts, and an L in pants. Really!
Can you believe that shit? When I first started this blog back in 2008, I wore a 5X shirt – no lie. I even remember the shirt, it was a Bill Hicks shirt, it was my “favorite” shirt ever and it’s all I ever wore. I couldn’t even dream of wearing an XL T-shirt, yet not only am I doing it here, but it’s loose as hell!
I’m discovering, though, that while I’ve taken off all of this weight – I still don’t like the way I look. But… I’m never going to be a fucking supermodel – I’m 42 years old and I was once 5’4″ and 343 pounds, so I should be and AM happy as hell with what I’ve become and what I’ve yet to be.
I’ve discovered my quirks and foibles within this transformation, as well. I’m not like anyone else I know, and while I’ve always known that, I’ve had a damned difficult time accepting it. Now, though… I not only embrace my differences, but I’m proud of them, as well.
No, not many 42 year old white women enjoy 70’s funk and disco (hell, most people in general don’t), but I do and it’s one of my life’s loves. I love cooking shows – public television ones in particular. I love watching Chris Kimball and Bridget Lancaster trade witticisms and half flirt while they’re making an apple pie that I can’t for the life of me dare to eat else I gain 60 pounds from a slice. I love watching Pati Jinich talk about “cooking eet until eet starts to bobble”. I love watching Steven Raichlen fixing up some barbecue and making my mouth water. No, I don’t watch Sons of Anarchy or The Walking Dead or whatever the “new” show is now (and I’ve never seen any of the previous three mentioned – ever – and I have no interest in doing so). I love to read, to study off-beat subjects like the adult film industry and World War Two and the science behind plane crashes, I love true crime books (Capote and Bugliosi and Olsen), the more gruesome and forensically technical the better.
I love The Spinners, D.C. LaRue, Dennis Parker and Claudja Berry. Conversely, I love Melanie C, Spiller, Todd Terry and Alcazar. As well as the D-Devils, Fedde LaGrand, Led Zeppelin, Dokken and Cannibal Corpse. I love everything.
“That makes you confusing!”, people say. No, it makes me me.
I’m done rejecting my differences, because my differences are me. It’s all a part of loving myself, something that I’m still learning how to do. But I’m okay with the time it takes. Every day there’s something new…. and something wonderful.